Day 6, Continued

So, I cheated today.  And I am about to cheat as I type.  I went to a friends house and had chicken and two tablespoons of rice.  She called it sticky rice but it may have well been the grossest, stickiest rice I have ever tasted.  As we started the meal, she offered me a biscuit.  I refused happily.  Then when the rice came by my plate, I had to have some.  My friend doesn't know about the diet.  If she did, she would have fully supported me and provided a menu to match.  I didn't tell her.  I didn't want to tell her.  I was face to face with nasty rice and I couldn't refuse.  I drove home wondering if I craved the carbs, couldn't say no to a starch or it was pure defiance of the diet.  I am having some troubles in my almost 10 year relationship with a man that I love.  I guess I could possibly be an emotional eater. 

I came home and was starving.  I microwaved my grilled chicken and was so quickly bored, I cut up the remainder and fed it to my dogs who didn't mind a bit. 

Then I microwaved a Cup O Noodles.  It is sitting in the kitchen now, cooking, per se.  I intend to finish this post and eat it.  I am on such a fine line here between loathing myself and Day 6 - and just trying to accept that I am human.  I wonder if I will hate myself as I lay in bed.  I wonder what the scale will say in the morning.  As I type, I am making deal with myself- maybe I can just have the broth...maybe I will just eat half....if I am going to cheat, it might as well be on something that isn't that bad.

10 minutes have elapsed since my last  paragraph.  As I entered my kitchen, I felt my dogs look at me like I was committing a sin.  I did indeed eat half of the noodles and all of the broth.  Somehow, my stomach isn't satisfied, my conscience isn't satisfied, my mind isn't satisfied and neither are my emotions.  I was surprised how salty it tasted, probably because my sodium consumption as been way down.  I actually burnt my mouth by the temperature of the Cup O Noodles.  Right now I am thinking its a lesson learned but I will fail again and succeed too. 

My injection went well and without a hitch.  I chose a place on my belly, just below the navel.  I have been alternating left and right of my navel, this is the first time it went below.  It stung and I still feel like it hurts a bit.  Tomorrow is the one day of the week that I will skip the injection.  Every week, no injection on Friday.

I am wondering if anyone has read this blog yet. There had been no comments and I am fine with that.  I know the Internet is a huge place and there are so many other things to read. I'm just curious.

I am to go camping this weekend with my love of 10 years.  We have had some issues for the entire 10 years.  Some huge, some small.  We've had so many laughs.  We've been together through the passing of people that we have loved, through sickness, through custody battles, through it all.  My HCG diet just happened to start before the most recent set of difficulties.  That's what partially led to my emotional eating today.  Timing is everything but I'm not sure of the timing on this.  Relationships are hard.  Diets are hard.  Both are coinciding right now.  I can do nothing besides sleep tonight.  I will wake up in the morning and try harder.  A lot to lose and a lot to gain.