Trying not to cheat, Day 13...

I haven't really been hungry and have had no real cravings.  At times I've wondered if there is something wrong with me.  Injections are going down without a hitch.

My skinny/flabby friend that is partaking in HCG with me has said that she has hit a weight loss plateau.  It's only Day 13.  I need to keep reminding myself, and her, that we have only just begun.  We haven't even gained the right to be discouraged yet.

I have been baking/broiling my chicken for the last few days.  It has somehow broken up the great chicken monotony.  I've been making aluminum foil sacks of vegetables to throw in the oven the last few minutes of baking.  Spinach or broccoli with some garlic and a touch of salt and pepper.  It actully tastes great, especially the spinach.

I've had to grocery shop a bit more frequently since I'm eating all perishable foods.  It's amazing how quickly you can get in and out of the grocery store when you are just shopping around the perimeter of the store.  Truly amazing.

I decided not to weight myself today to take a bit of pressure off.

Laid off from my full time employment position, I have been unemployed for a few months.  With little prospects, I started my own home business while seeking employment. The income is very little, just enough to get by but sometimes I must float my responsibilities.  I feel more fortunate than most in the same position and lucky that it is relatively cheap to be me.

With that said, I have been searching for jobs.  Like most people stuck in the 9 to 5, I have taken several jobs in my adult life because I have had to.  Not because they were a good fit but merely because they were available.  I have had lots of interviews this summer and been several jobs.  With a small income in place, I have been able to be a bit more picky since I am not desperate.

I went to an interview a few months ago for a position that seemed to be a dream job.  The position was not in the career field that I have been working in, but one that interested me.  I applied for the position though surely under qualified, even according to the posted job requirements.  I researched the company, went through the interviews, sent thank you cards, submitted to a background check, waited, followed up, and waited some more.  I was asked to another interview and told that one of the interviewers would be flying in from Colorado, the other from the East Coast to interview me.  That sounds Big Time.  I drove to the final interview with no anxieties, no nervousness and no obsessive rehearsal of my answers to various imagined questions.

I am happy to report that I have been offered the position! I'm not sure whats in store and what opportunities will come along because of this.  I convinced them that I am the person for the job but I am certainly not convinced of it myself.  I feel that I need to give a shout out to my parents who taught me how to have a good work ethic, to answer questions well and to smile.

Now, the caveat is that I will have to travel next month to a state that is about the farthest state away from Arizona.  I have anxiety about this.  I guess it all involves my confidence in this position, throwing myself into the unknown, being away from my 15 year old dogs for 2 weeks, leaving my boyfriend that I'm experiencing difficulties with anyway, getting packed and prepared for this adventure, wondering how this travel will impact me monetarily even though it will be paid and a daily per-diem will be reimbursed, I will still need to front some cash.  I need a new wardrobe but I am apprehensive to buy anything since I am trying to lose weight.  Its been a few years since I've been on a plane...will the seat belt fit? How in the heck am I going to take my HCG & needles across the country.  How am I going to be able to sick to a diet when I won't have the luxury of being at home and cooking for myself.  I've been driving myself mad pondering these things.

See...I told you...anxieties...

For the love of chicken! Day 10!

I woke up today with another craving - chicken nuggets from Chick-Fil-A.  I'm proud of that craving though I have no control over it. It could have been so much worse.

Weighed myself this morning and had absolutely no loss from yesterday. Firstly discouraged then my short term memory loss kicked in and I recalled yesterdays cheese pizza. 

I started the day with an apple, a few blueberries & strawberries and iced tea. Absolutely satisfying and I must say it has to do something with my skin starting to look a bit more radiant. 

For lunch, I microwaved my leftovers from TGI Fridays - one grilled chicken breast, some assorted vegetables and a scoop of mashed potatoes.  I ate the vegetables first, then the chicken then two bites of the mashed potatoes.  The rest of the mashed potatoes went to my drooling dogs.  I felt satisfied but not deprived. 

Just after 7 P.M. Arizona so that means its injection time. I still have a bit of anxiety the second before I actually poke my skin.  It goes quickly and I can honestly say that I am proud of the ease that I can administer the injection.  A week ago it was taking 45 minutes, now, I go from absolute start to finish in under a minute.  Such a small, easy milestone for this overweight needle-phobe but I am proud of the progress.

I was supposed to visit my skinny HCG friend tonight so we could grill more chicken and vegetables.  Our schedules conflicted so we will be getting together tomorrow night instead.  Its funny, she doesn't eat red meat and I don't eat seafood so our middle ground is chicken.    

Again, no readers as far as I can tell on this blog.  I still look forward to writing every day and am curious to see if there will be just one person out there interested in what I have to say.  I wanted to remain anonymous so I did not inform my family or friends that I am writing daily.  Its nice to have something simple to look forward to every day besides more chicken.

I just finished reading the following web page. There are so many followers of this diet, so many interpretations and so much information.  Here's a short quick manual just in case anyone in interested. 


HCG diet explained

Days 7, 8 & 9...

I did indeed go camping in Northern Arizona Day 7 & Day 8.  No shot on Day 7 which was a relief.  When packing to camp, I packed my grilled chicken, veggies, ice tea, water and fruit.  Some of the food became water logged.  I'm just not a camper or a picnicker so I have no real idea of how to pack food well.  Day 7, I had a hamburger and bun.  Not on my approved food list but what the hell.  Managed to eat vegetables, some additional lean ground beef and refuse alcohol.

Not long into Day 8, the sun was blazing.  Instead of camping that additional night, we decided to head home and do some swimming.  My dogs are a bit older and so much less tolerant of the heat and the outdoors as they use to be.

Started the day off with iced tea and one half of a cheese quesadilla, using low fat cheese and a low carb tortilla.  That alone was about 165 calories.  I was proud of my creativeness and it certainly broke up the monotony. Spent the afternoon swimming in 105 degree heat, really enjoying the summer day and the exercise.

We went to TGI Friday's for dinner. I chose the Jack Daniels Grilled Chicken, except the JD Sauce to be served on the side, vegetable medley and mashed potatoes.  According to the Internet, where we all know it is hard to find the truth, I found that that dish is only approximately 500 calories.  Can that be true?  I only ate half of my dinner and brought home leftovers which consists of one grilled chicken breast, some vegetables and one scoop of mashed potatoes.  Again, my food tasted so salty which of course is because I have not been eating much prepared food lately.  Administered my own injection without a hitch. I loved the grilled chicken and thought it slightly odd since I was starting to develop an aversion to chicken several days ago. 

Today is Day 9.  I woke up, showered and weighed myself.  I'm surprisingly down another few pounds.  I say surprisingly because I have definitely varied from my approved food list.  I have still tried to be cautious and smart with food decision.  As of today, I am down 6.4 pounds.  I am excited about this drop even though it probably could have been better.  I have weight myself each day and have only seen the scale go North one day....the day after the rice and Cup O Noodles night.  I'm sure kicking soda and juices out of my diet has to be part of it.  Now that I am calorie conscience, I estimate that I have consumed approximatly 800 calories a day from those drinks alone! Ugh.

For breakfast today, I craved healthy.  I started the day with iced tea (suggestion...Lipton Cold Brew) and my left over vegetables from TGI Fridays.  Amidst the contaminated egg situation in the U.S. right now, I still woke up craving eggs.  I also would have taken chicken.  Weird.  That's certainly not a combination that I have ever tried even though I lived in the South for many years.  We went to Sam's Club to pick up some chicken to get me going for the week and luckily arrived just after all of the freebie/tasting stands were up. While exiting the store with only a bag of chicken breasts, there was a lone stand still up and attended.  My man and I traveled over.  The temptation and the wonder of what the stand would provide was too much to bare.  The nice woman in the white apron and hat was peddling a breakfast biscuit.  I would guess to say the biscuit was divided into 5ths.  As we grabbed one and decided to split it, I chose the side with a sliver of bread, cheese and egg.  He received the side with more bread and sausage. My morning egg craving was satisfied and I didn't feel robbed. Funny how things work out sometimes.

My man is partially Italian.  He has a strange affinity for only a few foods and would eat a diet consisting only of the following if allowed: cheese pizza, pasta, spicy buffalo wings, fried rice and Pepsi. Today he asked if I wouldn't mind grabbing a pizza for dinner.  I reminded him that it certainly was NOT on the approved list but decided on it anyway.  Our local grocery store, Basha's, has an amazing deal...One large cheese pizza, boneless buffalo wings, salad, breadsticks and Pepsi for $10.99.  Thats a deal that no Jewish/Italian man could ever pass up.  When we arrived home, I had two slices of cheese pizza, sans the crust and most of the dough, two boneless buffalo wings and two glasses of water.  I don't know the exact calorie content of my choice but I will guess under 500.  Injection has been taken...again, a cinch. For the rest of the night, I will concentrate on my red apples, strawberries and iced tea.  Tomorrow is already Day 10.

Day 6, Continued

So, I cheated today.  And I am about to cheat as I type.  I went to a friends house and had chicken and two tablespoons of rice.  She called it sticky rice but it may have well been the grossest, stickiest rice I have ever tasted.  As we started the meal, she offered me a biscuit.  I refused happily.  Then when the rice came by my plate, I had to have some.  My friend doesn't know about the diet.  If she did, she would have fully supported me and provided a menu to match.  I didn't tell her.  I didn't want to tell her.  I was face to face with nasty rice and I couldn't refuse.  I drove home wondering if I craved the carbs, couldn't say no to a starch or it was pure defiance of the diet.  I am having some troubles in my almost 10 year relationship with a man that I love.  I guess I could possibly be an emotional eater. 

I came home and was starving.  I microwaved my grilled chicken and was so quickly bored, I cut up the remainder and fed it to my dogs who didn't mind a bit. 

Then I microwaved a Cup O Noodles.  It is sitting in the kitchen now, cooking, per se.  I intend to finish this post and eat it.  I am on such a fine line here between loathing myself and Day 6 - and just trying to accept that I am human.  I wonder if I will hate myself as I lay in bed.  I wonder what the scale will say in the morning.  As I type, I am making deal with myself- maybe I can just have the broth...maybe I will just eat half....if I am going to cheat, it might as well be on something that isn't that bad.

10 minutes have elapsed since my last  paragraph.  As I entered my kitchen, I felt my dogs look at me like I was committing a sin.  I did indeed eat half of the noodles and all of the broth.  Somehow, my stomach isn't satisfied, my conscience isn't satisfied, my mind isn't satisfied and neither are my emotions.  I was surprised how salty it tasted, probably because my sodium consumption as been way down.  I actually burnt my mouth by the temperature of the Cup O Noodles.  Right now I am thinking its a lesson learned but I will fail again and succeed too. 

My injection went well and without a hitch.  I chose a place on my belly, just below the navel.  I have been alternating left and right of my navel, this is the first time it went below.  It stung and I still feel like it hurts a bit.  Tomorrow is the one day of the week that I will skip the injection.  Every week, no injection on Friday.

I am wondering if anyone has read this blog yet. There had been no comments and I am fine with that.  I know the Internet is a huge place and there are so many other things to read. I'm just curious.

I am to go camping this weekend with my love of 10 years.  We have had some issues for the entire 10 years.  Some huge, some small.  We've had so many laughs.  We've been together through the passing of people that we have loved, through sickness, through custody battles, through it all.  My HCG diet just happened to start before the most recent set of difficulties.  That's what partially led to my emotional eating today.  Timing is everything but I'm not sure of the timing on this.  Relationships are hard.  Diets are hard.  Both are coinciding right now.  I can do nothing besides sleep tonight.  I will wake up in the morning and try harder.  A lot to lose and a lot to gain.

The journey continues...

Day 5 - Went off without a hitch.  I had an early morning craving for KFC's mashed potatoes and gravy.  Not a family size, an individual size would have done the trick.  Popcorn chicken on the side would have been heaven.  I ate my morning snack of an apple and a few pieces on Melba.  Surprisingly, I was satisfied.  Dinner of chicken and tomato.  Late night craving of anything with cheese.

When it was time to administer the shot, I was all alone.  My live-in was gone and my friend was 20 miles away.  I loaded the needle, cleaned the area, pinched the flab where I was to inject, and poke! It was over and I did it myself. That actually felt good.

Day 6 - I started this blog last night which was technically, per the clock, was Day 6. Woke up today not hungry but decided to have my red apple and some water.  I showered and weight myself.  Surprisingly down 2.2 pounds from yesterday.  That is a grand total of 6.6 pounds since this diet began.  Just a side note, I am taking a jam packed multi-vitamin to make sure my body is getting what it needs.

Just took stock of my refrigerator.  I still have loads of greens left, grilled chicken, fresh spinach, strawberries, unsweetened iced tea and water.  Injection will need to be administered at 7PM, local time. I am doing it myself tonight with no concern or anxiety.

I am not a fan of fish at all.  If I were, it definitely would have been an option for a protein.  Can I do 42 days of grilled chicken?  I'm not sure yet but I am just going to take this day by day.

First post!

I can't sleep tonight for many reasons.  There is some big stuff going on in my life.  For as long as I can remember, I have been overweight.  Attractive, stylish, active, but nonetheless, overweight.  A few weeks ago, my very skinny friend complained that she was flabby.  She had a friend that was using the HCG diet and had amazing success.  We called her friend for details subsequently scouring the Internet for information, the journey began.

Over the course of the next few days we researched and researched and researched.

Meanwhile, I hit my own breaking point with my weight.  If you're overweight and trying to lose, you know what I mean.  The point when we decide to start the diet tomorrow, or on Monday, or swear there will be no more fast food, or soda, no more binge eating, no more sampling while cooking, etc.  We've all had them.  I've had hundreds. 

One this day, I was going thru my closet looking for a pair of shorts just to wear around the house.  I found a pair, circa 2005, maybe.  As I slipped them on, they fit and I was elated.  I was proud of myself that they fit.  I remember smiling and nodding, proud that in the course of 5 years, they still fit.

Then I remember sinking and thinking, wow...they still fit.  In 5 years, I hadn't managed to change anything.  I hadn't managed to keep the promises to myself.  Those damn shorts still fit.

So, now this is Day 6 of the HCG diet.  My skinny but flabby friend and I chose the HCG that you inject.  It started with a box from overseas, and a kit from the Midwest.  I am terrified of needles but I can happily say this is Day 6. 

Here is the journey...

Day 1 - After waiting for what seemed like forever, we finally had everything we needed to start the injections.  The first two days of the diet are considered "loading" days. We only had to inject the HCG and stuff our faces for the next two days.  With our solutions mixed, my friend injected herself with no problem.  When it was my time, I almost fainted.  She agreed to do the injection for me, which was okay since she was surprisingly effortless with the needle.  Being in my 30's and being terribly horrified of needles, I panicked.  Just a little pinch and she was done...45 minutes after I agreed that I was ready.  

Day 2 - I returned to my friends house so we could split up the kit, mix the solutions, then take a trip to the grocery story.  We knew what we were allowed to eat and how much we roughly needed.  We were in this together all the way.  When it was injection time, she easily grabbed her flab and injected the HCG.  It only took me 30 minutes to accept the injection.  Progress.

Day 3 - I had until 8PM to receive my shot and continue loading.  Technically, I had been "loading" on fat, calories and carbs since Day 1, but in retrospect, I had been "loading" most of my life. I took out my needle carefully following all safety instructions, pumped it with the HCG solution, cleaned my skin, grabbed my flab ready to inject and then I panicked.  I looked at the needle, looked at my skin and decided that I was going to faint.  My live-in boyfriend was in the house in a room nearby.  I asked him to assist.  He had been to college but certainly had nothing to do with the medical field.  He agreed to inject me.  It took 15 minutes today.  Again, progress.

Day 4 - So, its actually going well.  42 days in our HCG Phase 1 and it was already Day 4.  I had tea for breakfast, sprinkled with Stevia.  Snack consisted of a red apple.  Lunch was spinach and strawberry salad.  For dinner grilled chicken and asparagus. I also consumed as much water as I could, approximately a half gallon thru the day.  I can't say that I felt full during the day but no hunger pains and I was satisfied.

I will continue with Day 5 in my next post.  I was laying in bed, unable to sleep when I decided to get up and start this blog.  I am in a turning point in my life, I can feel it.  Not entirely because of the HCG but because this is where I am in life today.  I am looking for followers, supporters, friends.  I am looking to reach out to anyone who wants and feels change.  I am looking to reach people like me.